preparing for birth
Want to know a not so secret, secret?
There is no truly preparing for birth.
Like snowflakes, no two births are the same. This makes it tricky to truly feel prepared and ready. But, that’s okay! There can be peace in letting go. And, even though you can’t truly prepare, because you never know exactly how things will go, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to prepare! I truly believe knowledge is power.
Fear of birth and labor pain comes from fear of the unknown. In knowledge, you gain understanding and control. Knowledge helps eliminate fear, because when you know your options, you can make informed decisions, even if they’re not your first choice.
Ok Ash, then how do I prepare?
I’m glad you asked! It’s a huge aspect of being a doula, and I would love to share some simple ways to help you feel as prepared as you can be.
Hire a doula: Interview many. It is so important to find someone you vibe with. They’re going to be with you at one of your most vulnerable and intimate times (and also a time of power and strength), and arguably one of your biggest transitions in life. Your doula needs to be someone you trust, who you know will protect your space and listen to you, who will give you the support you need. Your doula will go over so much with you. The stages and phases of labor, anatomy, what to expect, how to know if you’re in labor, ideal positioning for baby, positions and comfort measures to help with pain, the choices you may face and the benefits and risks of them. Having a doula is having all the information and support by your side to help eliminate the fear of the unknown, to help advocate for you and give you the confidence to be empowered.
Take a childbirth education class: Depending on the type of birth you’re looking to have, I may recommend looking into classes outside of hospitals. That’s not to say a hospital class is bad, but it’s good to gain different perspectives and information (remember, knowledge is power!), again it depends on the type of birth you’re looking to have. There are so many classes available in Metro Detroit. Some created by doulas, some by hypnobirthers, some by those who teach the Bradley method or Lamaze. If you hire a doula, ask them if they know anyone who teaches classes, or if their other clients like any they’ve taken. Ask parenting groups, as well.
Practice mindfulness: There are many ways to do this. If it’s new to you, I recommend starting small. Pick a moment in the day to really slow down. Maybe when you’re taking a shower, reading a book, cooking, or going for a walk. Shower for example, how does the water feel soaking through your hair, dripping down your shoulders? Feel the steam as you breathe in, the soft lather of soap, the scent of shampoo. Listen to the water as it falls, notice the hazy air as it fills with stream. Go through the five senses and really pay attention to how you feel.
Prenatal yoga: A great way to have you time, to focus on you. How does your body feel? Where do you find tightness? Work on relaxing those areas, find ways that help you do this so you can bring the technique into your birth space. Maybe your tension is in your neck and jaw. Does paying attention to your breaths help relax? Or maybe there are certain stretches. Use this time to focus your energy toward your womb and to positive thoughts. There are loads of places that focus on prenatal yoga in Metro Detroit! Some of them also include mindfulness practices.
Don’t focus on kegels: I know, I know. I’m sure you’ve heard and read that doing kegels is a great way to prepare for birth. To give strength to your pelvic floor. And while part of that is true, the other half is totally ignored! While having a strong pelvic floor is beneficial, you also need to learn to relax your pelvic floor. If you make it too strong and tight and don’t learn to relax it, how will you open and relax to let baby through? It will just remain tight and taught, making birth potentially more difficult and painful.
Books: There are so many books out there! By all walks of life, in regards to all kinds of births, written in all formats. I have a list of books on my shelf that I lend out to families I work with, which you can see under the libraries tab.
Watch videos: Some people are afraid to watch videos. But, I say, the more you see the better. Good and bad, the way you want yours to go and the way you don’t want it to go. Notice how the birther reacts to scenarios and imagine yourself. How would you like yourself to react? How would you feel? How would you want your support team (partner, doula, OB/midwife) to treat you and react? It’s good to see what birth can actually be like, and not just want you see on TV (which totally portrays birth in a negative way).
Finding a Ob or Midwife you trust: I will always encourage the families I work with to make sure they are completely happy with their birthing team. If you’re not happy or totally comfortable with your OB or midwife, then it doesn’t matter where you’re going to give birth, you’ll never feel totally comfortable or supported. It is never too late to find a a new practitioner.
Write: While I do like to give those I support writing prompts, just writing about how you’re feeling (inside and out) can be totally therapeutic! I repeat, this is arguably the biggest transition of your life, going from not a parent to a parent. That transition comes with enormous physical and emotional changes. The brain literally shrinks to make room for bonding. Hormones are on a rampage! You’re creating life and milk to sustain that life. You create an entire organ that is then disposed of and then your body has to heal from it all. This is not to be taken lightly and it’s not wonder it is such a confusing time. Write about it, even if you don’t know what to say or how to say it, just give it a try!
I hope this list was helpful. I hope you try some, if not all, of these things to help you feel more prepared and confident going into your birth space.